Medical Maintenance

I started this blog primarily to open up a dialog about social networking, the future of public relations/advertising, new technology and other important topics. But this post discusses none of these topics. If any of you know me you have likely heard at least one of my medical escapades. This post will illuminate you readers on my many run-ins with my favorite doctor – The Dentist.

My exploits into the world of orthodontics and dental work began just the same as any other adolescent. My baby teeth had all but fallen out and my big girl teeth were making their slow and quite undignified appearance. I am a petite person and my mouth, as I was soon to learn, follows the same proportions as the rest of my body. The discussion of braces soon came up, but before I could broach that phase I had to get my mouth “prepped”. Dentist are tricky devils and when I thought I was just going in for check up, the dentist knocks me out and pulls out the remaining three stubborn baby teeth along with four of my permanent teeth. As I said before, apparently my mouth was too small to accommodate a full set of teeth.

My braces phase was decidedly uneventful (compared to what comes next). I had a full set of those bad boys, and I spent those three years decorating them with every color under the sun (red and green during Christmas, green during St Patrick’s Day, blue for season-less visits). Once I had my braces removed I received a beautiful blue and purple retainer to keep my teeth in place, and a permanent wire on my bottom teeth. Of course I never wore my retainer but then again neither did you, right?

Phase 2

Remember when the dentist removed four of my permanent teeth? My teeth were now straight but not at all perfect. There were huge gaps between my four front teeth which the dentist now had to fill. The fillings attached to my teeth getting rid of the awkward gaps and mimicking a beautiful full set of teeth. Well, kind of beautiful, they were pretty discolored actually. Everything was fine until junior year of High School.

Do you remember what a stressful time of year that was? Applying to colleges, fitting in every extra curricular under the sun and waking up at 5 in the morning to jump in a pool only to smell like chlorine for the rest of the day. Don’t worry, the afternoon practices replenished that fading, early morning chlorine smell with yet another liberal douse. All of the stress compounded until one morning I woke up unable to open my mouth. This was extremely scary as I am quite the talker.

Turns out I have TMJ- Tempo Mandibular Jaw Disorder. The remedy for this new malady was a very chic, clear retainer worn during the day to prop my jaw up. At night I would wear a night guard, sexy I know. Needless to say I wore them both until I went on my senior trip with seven of my girlfriends. It was a fourteen day cruise trip and we decided to visit London before the cruise began. Walking through Hyde Park one day we stumble across the set up for a concert. After we asked around we discovered that Red Hot Chili Peppers were going to be playing that night. We quickly bought tickets from a legitimate source (scalper), and hurried home to prepare for the show (drank). I usually take my day retainer out when I go out at night, but tonight we were in such a hurry (soo drunk) that I forgot. Once at the concert I suddenly remembered what I was wearing and quickly stashed my retainer in my pocket. The show was amazing, we met some boys who allowed us to sit on their shoulders (this may be key) to see the show a bit better. When I got back to the hotel (this is another story in itself, which includes one of my friends walking the streets of London barefoot) I fished out my retainer from my pocket only to discover it in two pieces. I panicked, started yelling about never being able to open my mouth again, which obviously means I’m going to die, etc, etc. It turns out I was just fine.

My stress level had gone down quite a bit since actually being accepted into college and it turned out that I no longer needed to wear my daily retainer. I grind my teeth a lot at night though which contributes to my TMJ, and to this day I still wear my night guard (again, sexy I know). Let’s fast forward four years.

Phase 3

I am in the dentists’ office and he says its time to take out those fillings I had put in my freshman year of high school. They shouldn’t have lasted eight years any ways and apparently it had always been part of the plan to replace them with veneers. I had no knowledge of this but apparently my mother and dentist had been planning this for years. No big deal though, I would love some veneers! My teeth are discolored with decalcification and what not and getting veneers will make them perfect! That is, if I survive the procedure.

I schedule two appointments two weeks apart from each other and last weekend I headed home to begin with part one. Day of surgery, everything goes fine, they let me listen to my ear phones, nothing too big to report- until I look in the mirror and see that they did not work on the two front teeth which I thought they were going to fix, but the ones right next to the two front teeth. It looked funky. Funky like, hey those are some nice canines (I got my lateral incisors removed) but what’s wrong with your front teeth? After a short discussion we decided to schedule another appointment to do the two front teeth. Lucky for me they have an opening the next day!

Another two and a half hours in the dentist’s office and I am good to go. They send me out with some temporary teeth to hide the four teeth they shaved down and three packets of cement (in case my temporary teeth fall out, but they ensure me that won’t happen).

Two hours later I receive a telephone call. The dentists office needs me to come in to make sure they got the coloring right. Fine, I need them to take off some blue gunk they left on my bottom teeth anyways. Color is corrected and while the nurse removes the blue gunk she realizes that the permanent retainer I have glued to my bottom teeth is once again loose (yes it has popped off at least twice before). The dentist come sin and by this time he is soo sick of dealing with me that he decides to just get rid of the metal bar once and for all. I walk out and get on a plane to come back home.

Remember how I told you I wear a night guard? Well, I’m not allowed to wear it with my temporary teeth which means that there is a possibility of me grinding my teeth at night. Most of the time when you grind your teeth you grind the back teeth my jaw has a mid of its own which leads to today.

I woke up this morning with something floating in my mouth. Guess what it is!! So this morning there I am standing in front of my mirror mixing cement and putting it on my fake teeth and CEMENTING IT BACK INTO MY MOUTH. Can someone please tell me they have had to do this also?