The Long Goodbye

I am once again making the all too frequent jaunt down to sunny Sandy Eggo to reunite with a few dear old friends. My first stop, which should be no surprise to any of you, will be to my dentist J-Dawg where he will hopefully re-bond my temporary teeth with a sealant gale force winds couldn’t even tear off. I will then go on to see my quirky yet harmless family doctor for my yearly in-person check up. I’m not sure how much he knows about me because I’m not the one who does most of the talking during our visits but I know an awful lot about him. I know that he is a Libertarian and thinks he could run the United States better than Bush or Obama. I know that he recently bought land in Las Vegas (several apartments to be more specific) that he is hoping to use to make a profit. I know that he has done incredibly well for himself (he’s very proud of this fact). He is married and does not have nor does he want children, but he does have three dogs (three small dogs). My last appointment is with a new doctor I have not met with yet. Of course he is an oral surgeon, a periodontist to be exact, and he will be examining my gums.

I know what you are thinking, “What a brave soul she is, I hope she survives”. Well, just in case, for some reason that I do not return to you all I would like will away some of my most precious belongings.

Diane - I would like you to have my puzzles. I never had the chance to re-create those missing puzzle pieces from the 1500 piece Magna Carta puzzle so I leave that daunting task in your hands. I know you will make me proud.

Anna – Any remaining alcohol I have in the house will go to you. You only need a shot to get you drunk, therefore my abundant supply of tequila and wine will be able to enjoy a long, long, long shelf life under your diligent care.

Tiffany – I leave you all of my bathing suits as you may be the only one who still visits the beach. Take care of them, don’t stretch them out, wash them in cold water in the sink when you are done wearing them and don’t wring them out; instead let them air dry. Also, rotate them as exposing one to the sun for long periods of time makes the colors fade.

Lani – This is a hard one as you seem to have everything you need so I am giving you something extra close to my heart. I will you my beloved teddy bear, Teddy. May he keep you warm and protected on those cold San Francisco (or Morgan Hill) nights. In addition, I leave you my plant, Sweet Pablo. May he always be as green as the day I left it.

Monica – Last but certainly not least. I would like you to have my beautiful pearl blue Dirt Devil floor and carpet vacuum cleaner with a rotating brush roll. Please use it weekly and remember me when you are picking up after someone else’s mess. As well, I would like you to have my paper shredder. Never be afraid to use it, because remember, it only takes one receipt to steal an identity. And most important of all, I would like you to have my beloved bicycle. I have spent many hours cycling along, envisioning myself in the woods or cycling by the ocean. Give it a spin, I’m sure you will learn to love it as much as I have.

And with that I say good-bye. Wish me luck my dear friends, as I am entering waters I may likely never escape from. Remember the good times and keep my memory with you always. KISSSSESSSS!!!